you are allowed to be sad and angry!🎾
but how long do you want to stay like that?
When I talk to people about limiting beliefs for the first time, a common misconception is that I think people can learn to be happy ALL the time. This is not true! In fact, I don’t even think it’s healthy.
Personally, I don’t even want to be happy ALL the time, because if I want to act or create other art, I need to feel the full spectrum of human emotions! But guess what? If an actor is on set screaming and truly feeling angry in a scene that calls for it, when the director calls “CUT!” they can’t keep that anger going and lash out on the person doing their makeup or go home and be a jerk to their family! They have to learn how to control their emotions.
Focusing on what we can control, and what we cannot, helps organize our brain when we feel overwhelmed. If something is really stressing you out, identifying whether you have the power to change it or not can be really powerful!! If you can control it → do something about it NOW! If you can’t control it → feel the feels and then let it go.
Real talk: the longer we go through life, the more it becomes obvious that there’s no way for anyone to escape tragedies. For example, if you live to 100 years old, it’s impossible that you won’t have had multiple loved ones pass away. And it’s human, normal, and healthy to grieve. But do you want each one of those losses to pile on top of each other and ruin your life? Do you want to use those losses as an excuse for why you can no longer be happy ever? Do you want to turn into that stereotypical grumpy old person that no one wants to be around? I should hope not! If you want to continue to find joy in life well into old age and be grateful for what you still do have, it starts with working on your mental fitness now.
Let’s look at professional tennis player Novak Djokovic’s hot take on his own mental fitness:
While thinking about the above video, think about how it relates to what I’m about to share:
I remember meeting a middle-aged man who had the warmest, kindest soul, was usually smiling and quick to laugh, found the good in every situation, and who everyone wanted to be around. You would never know that his entire family was killed in front of him when he was a child in Africa, and that he was forced into being a child soldier who killed others as well. He eventually escaped and built a new life in Canada. He could have used his trauma as an excuse to live in misery where he couldn’t forgive himself or the men who took everything from him, but he refused to let his past define his future.
I’ve also met people who were handed life on a silver platter, and all they want to do is gossip and complain. They feel gross to be around, and you know as soon as you leave the room you know they’ll start talking about you too. They use every excuse imaginable to put themselves in the victim’s seat. They like to put other people down to feel better about themselves, and they don’t know how to celebrate other people’s successes.
Who would you rather be like?
Let’s take a breath. We’re human. Of course we’ve all been guilty of gossiping, complaining, feeling sorry for ourselves, letting one little thing ruin our entire day, etc. Beating ourselves up doesn’t help anyone. If you can forgive yourself, it becomes easier to forgive others when they mess up too. We’re all trying our best with the tools that we have.
I hope these Wednesday Roadmaps help us learn how to build up our mental fitness together, bit by bit! It takes work to learn how to be more like that man who was a child soldier. It takes work to learn how to have the mental toughness of Djokovic. And the fact that you’ve even read this far means that you really want to work on this, just like I do! You want to be the best person you possibly can.
Q: So HOW do we bounce back???
A: Consistency is key! We are adding tools to our toolbox. With enough practice, it’ll feel like second nature. Choose one (or every) technique I share, and do it on a daily basis (click here to see my post on compound interesting daily habits) to see if it’s right for you, in that particular moment. If one isn’t working that day, move onto the next! And don’t worry, I will continue to keep sharing more, so there will be something for everyone!
If you’re like me, you will need to practice these exercises even on the good days, because in the past, when I let my mental fitness exercises slide by, suddenly I gained a ton of emotional weight and fell back into old unhealthy habits👹🔪!!
Recap of things I’ve shared so far:
Today’s post: Identifying what’s in your control and changing what you can.
Next week’s post: How to actually let go of what you can’t control! Stay tuned😎
You don’t give up trying to teach a baby to walk after the first try, so why would you ever give up on yourself? Rationally, you know learning a new skill takes time, yet we are so impatient with ourselves. Refuse to give up. Raise your standards. Treat it like an experiment. Treat it like a game. Make it fun!!! Breathe. Try again. Have patience. Notice the little things. I know you can have your dream life (if you don’t already)!! :)
Personal note: I’ve gone through depressive episodes on and off throughout my whole life since my mum passed away when I was about to turn nine years old, and I know that even though I’m not in one right now, that doesn’t mean it won’t creep up on me again, especially *when* (and I know that’s not an *if* ) I experience another major loss. I am at peace because I know I have the strength to get through it, and I know you do too. I know I will give myself the appropriate amount of time to feel those feels, and then use the tools I’ve learned to proceed to the next step of the healing process. In the meantime, I REFUSE to let the good times pass me by, or waste any time anxiously spiralling about what disaster might happen next!
I am so stoked and proud of myself that I finally have a “toolbox” to make that window of depression (or being in a funk or simply being in a bad mood) shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter! If I can do it, you can too! Through using mental fitness techniques, I now have the awareness of when it’s coming on, and have the tools to nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand again. And the best part? They don’t just work for getting out of the bad times, they work for creating the best possible times you could imagine🥰. I can’t wait to share more techniques with you!!
BONUS!!! Today, in addition to the “Circle of Control” I shared at the top of this post, I would like to share some other things within your control that might be helpful: My Physical Checklist!
Sometimes we simply just need to change something physical to make a big difference in our everyday lives. You deserve to prioritize taking care of your own body, just like you would take care of your kids, pets, loved ones, etc.
When I’m not feeling good, I first ask myself these questions:
I know, it’s a lot! And I’m probably forgetting a lot more!! What would you add?
Here are some little ways you could prioritize the above:
spending money on healthy food instead of going out for drinks🌿
blasting your favourite upbeat music and forcing yourself to shake out your body and dance while getting ready in the morning🕺
going on a sugar/alcohol/digital detox✌🏻
canceling plans to fully get over a never-ending cold ❤️
investing in a physiotherapist, naturopath, or other healthcare professional🌸
scheduling a “me day” to catch up on your to-do list or do NOTHING (see my post: il dolce far niente!)
hiring a caretaker, going to the doctor, or doing your own research to get serious about how you can get more sleep💪
go into your phone’s settings and see how much time you spend on social media or texting, and use that time to go for a walk instead🚶♀️
setting your alarm earlier than normal so that you’re not rushing in the morning AND have time to do a 10 minute meditation🧘♀️!
taking a break from the news or horror films and watching your favourite comedies or kids movies instead🤪!
Thank you thank you THANK YOU for making it through this LONG post! Are you curious to try any of the techniques? Let me know and see you next week💋!