il dolce far niente

"the sweetness of doing nothing" for people who experience burnout

What are some of your top values in life? I have always valued working; striving for straight As even though my parents (fortunately) couldn’t have cared less what grades I got, volunteering for anything thrown my way, and begging to start paid work as soon as I could…there’s just always been something in me that enjoys working and the rewards that come from it. The rewards could be new skills, monetary, meeting new people, or trying on different personalities and seeing which ones worked best in which environments (my own version of “method acting”). Whatever the work was, I loved that feeling of productivity.

However, when I was in Sicily, this attitude drove the Italians I was with crazy! I was “too obsessed” with what time things started, and instead of being praised for working hard they would shake their heads at me. They pitied the fact that my brain was always “running” and I didn’t know how to “relax”. What did they mean?! I’d been doing yoga since I was nine! I was choosing to go to school in Sicily and not getting school credit back home for it! I loved reading and watching movies! Of course I knew how to relax!

No, I didn’t.

Every activity I did had an ulterior motive. I told myself that everything I did could be used for acting or writing one day: books and films were research, splashing around in the Mediterranean would improve my swimming skills in case I needed it for a role one day…I was accumulating life experiences to use for my career. To people who aren’t pursuing a creative career, I understand how psychotic this may sound. But I never did anything to completely turn my brain off or for the sole purpose of relaxing. In my mind, everything could be connected to my future career. Italians, on the other hand, have mastered relaxing so much that they have a saying for it- il dolce far niente: the sweetness of doing nothing. Of purely basking in the moment without contriving some sort of meaning or purpose for it. Here is a great little piece of Italian il dolce far niente activities written by Italy Segreta: https://italysegreta.com/dolce-far-niente-at-home-sweet-home/.

If I hadn’t had a taste of il dolce far niente when I was sixteen, I would have gone down a completely different path in life. Because I was so far on the other spectrum (perhaps, il dolce far tutto? The sweetness of doing everything?), learning how to do nothing for nothing’s sake gave me a taste of what a healthy balance of the two could look like. Now I can be aware of when I’m leaning too far into my old habits, because that’s when I feel burnout coming on. And I think us North Americans are experts at burning out.

How do I fall back into productivity paralysis without realizing it’s happening? By thinking I’m taking breaks and relaxing when I’m actually not. For example, being on my phone tricks me into think I’m relaxing but I end up being more stressed than when I started. Reading for enjoyment soon turns into writing things in the margins for future story ideas. Listening to a song makes me think of how I would direct its music video. Going for a walk turns into turning up my audiobook speed so that I can see how fast I can get through the biography I’m listening to. I’m not saying these things are bad, I’m just saying they aren’t exactly relaxing/doing nothing.

Why is doing nothing so important? I have found that when you can truly settle into moments of doing nothing and letting your brain turn off or reach that sweet spot of being present, anxiety falls away. Turning to alcohol or drugs can obviously get people to this place a lot quicker, but figuring out how to get there while sober is trickier and thus more rewarding. Plus it’s obviously a healthier skill to practice.

The second benefit I’ve noticed is how when I can fully relax my brain, I actually end up being more productive when I’m working. I wanted to look up scientific studies to show this, but I think I would then maybe never get around to posting this. Maybe another time, maybe I’ll add them in later, or maybe you can just lean into your curiosity and try it yourself, or out of spite to try to prove me wrong.

So! Instead of finding scientific research to back this up right now, I will leave you with three tricks I play on myself to get into the flow of doing nothing that might be fun for others to try:

1. FIRST THING IS MAKING SURE I DON’T GET DISTRACTED! If you’re like me and you’re worried about taking a break at work with the fear that you’ll lose all sense of time, set a timer for 10 minutes so that you don’t have to ruin the flow of relaxing with more unnecessary anxiety. I put my phone on silent (if you put on a timer, don’t worry, the sound should still go off when the alarm goes off) and place it somewhere where I can’t see my screen blowing up with what little notifications I have allowed left on my phone. If you have children or an annoying co-worker who doesn’t understand privacy, that’s an entirely different post about learning boundaries and how to prioritize time for yourself. Just make sure to limit as many distractions as possible.

2. If you have absolutely nothing around, great! All you have to do is lean on your senses. It might be helpful to start doing nothing with guided mediation apps such as Headspace and Balance (both come with free trials) if you are someone who worries about doing things “correctly” in the beginning. Hot tip: most of us humans are. Later on, you will get comfortable sitting, standing, laying down, or walking in silence. Look around and ask yourself:- what do I see? What do I hear? What does my skin feel like? Are there any smells far away that I can identify? What does the inside of my mouth taste like? Feel like? Can I feel my heartbeat? What is the rhythm of my breath like right now? If I’m bored waiting in a line somewhere, instead of scrolling or texting, sometimes I just stand there and ask myself these questions and I’m surprised how much fun it can be. It creates awareness, and sometimes cute moments happen where yourself and a stranger can share a look, feeling like you’ve just shared a secret while everyone else is glued to their phones. Your day can soften. You let someone in a rush go first. You relish in the slow living and impatience melts away for that moment.

3. After or alongside doing absolutely nothing, it’s fun to do nothing while doing something. I know I know. Think of an activity (like arranging freshly-cut flowers around your home, braiding your hair, or having a bath, etc.) or a new hobby (like knitting or running or drawing, etc.) that you could pick up that is solely for enjoyment and has absolutely no purpose other than it has potential to give you joy. If doing it starts to stress you out, or inversely you love it so much that it turns into a side-hustle (congrats!), immediately pick up another activity. This can actually be really hard for us adults who have “no time” for anything and don’t prioritize “playtime” into our lives anymore. Think about the things you used to love doing as a kid and maybe pick from one of those. Using these activities and hobbies as a way to break up your day can energize, relax, and bring a sense of play and wonder back into your daily life…and all we have is our daily life #thelittlethings *cough cough*!

I hope as I write and remind myself of these things, that they may help you too! If you know of someone else who often runs around with their energy well dried up, please pass this post along if you think it might help them too :)

This selection of film photos was taken by me in Rome.