šŗhow i've stayed committed to my habits!
the wolves of pain + pleasureāØ
Some habits are easier than others to keep. Today Iām sharing how Iāve been able to stay committed to habits that I would consistently break in the past.
But first, a little story! Youāve probably heard the Cherokee Tale of the Two Wolves-there are a few different versions of it, but the more popular ones go something like this:
One day a young boy came to his grandfather, filled with anger at another boy in his community.
After listening to his grandsonās story, the grandfather paused and calmly told him, āThere are two wolves that live inside us all, and they are at battle with one another.
One of these wolves is evil. The evil wolf is full of anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, guilt, lies, fear, superiority, and ego. The other is good. This wolf is full of love, joy, peace, serenity, humility, kindness, empathy, generosity, truth, and faith.ā
The grandson asked,
āWhich wolf wins?ā
To which the grandfather replied,
āThe one you feed.ā
This tale came to my mind this week as I was thinking of a current habit Iām trying to break.
As Iāve stopped drinking alcohol, sometimes I replace times that I wouldāve had a drink with sugar instead. For example: soda at a concert, or indulge in candy at parties! However, this week I noticed my sugar cravings have been stronger than usual, which is a familiar feeling my body signals to me when Iām having too much of it and need to cut back. I have an auto-immune disease, so I have to be careful about sugar since it causes inflammation! The best thing that usually works for me is to just do a 30 day detox. After the 30 days, my cravings are gone and I can go back to having a reasonable amount of treats without feeling like I āNEEDā it!
But how do I approach this detox? Similar to how Iām approaching everything these days, which has surprisingly been super effective!
I link pleasure to the habits I want to keep, and pain to the habits I want to quit.
This can be done in countless, creative ways, but Iāll share whatās been working for me in case it helps someone else!
So, even though I know Iāll go back to eating sugar in appropriate amounts, right now my cravings are so strong that Iāve been feeding my brain information to associate pain to eating sugar. I also feed my brain information to associate pleasure to eating delicious nutritious food!
What does this look like in action?
When Iām tempted by a treat, I think about how lethargic Iāll feel afterwards during the sugar crash. (PAIN!)
I listen to audiobooks and podcasts talking about how bad sugar is so that I immerse my subconscious into automatically being turned off by treats for now! (PAIN!)
When I eat a salty snack or nutritious meal- it sounds silly, but I say āgood job!ā in my brain to associate feeling proud of myself for eating healthy! (PLEASURE!)
While Iām exercising, I remind myself how much easier it is for my body to move properly when Iāve filled it with good food :) (PLEASURE!)
When I wake up in the morning full of energy, I remember itās because I wasnāt pounding back candy the night beforeš. (PLEASURE!)
I practiced the same technique for alcohol and exercise, and itās been over 6 months now that Iām sober and rarely miss alcohol, exercise 4-5x/week and actually enjoy it (!!!), have way more energy (this also helped), and have a way calmer nervous system!
BTW- For anyone wanting to exercise more, the biggest game changer for me was finding a studio that I LOVE and only doing exercise that I actually enjoy at first. For example, if going to a gym and weightlifting bores you, just do any type of movement that brings you even a bit of joy- a sport, hiking, walking, dancing, swimming, boxing, whatever! Youāll eventually find momentum from the endorphins you get from moving consistently that it will inspire you to do it moreā¦and maybe try other types of exercise too!
For the first few months that it was REALLY hard to get me into the habit of exercising, in addition to trying every studio until I found one I actually looked forward to going to, I got myself out of bed by telling myself āremember how good itās going to feel after the exercise is complete!ā
And then when I DID finish exercising, I trained my brain to remember the great feeling for the next time I was feeling tempted to sleep in. I repeated it like a mantra in my head, encouraging myself to feel MAX happiness for accomplishing my goal so that it would become embedded into my subconscious. I even talked about it out loud at dinner to my partner which helped us both pump each other up and cement the wiring in my brain for exercise = pleasure! (Neuroplasticity!!) Now when I take too many rest days in a row, my body feels gross and remembers sedentary lifestyle = pain!
In addition to my 30 day sugar detox, Iām now starting to apply this pain/pleasure-brain-feeding-method to procrastination and other areas of my life! TBD how this goesā¦āŗļø Even though a lot of things are out of our control right now, we can be in control of feeding āthe right wolfā to shape our own habits!
I curate the newsletters I consume, the public figures I follow, the books I readā¦all to try to optimize my brain for the wiring I desire. So to wrap up todayās post, here are some of my favourite brain āfoodā this weekš„°:
šFor more laughs: Amy Poehlerās podcast Good Hang - particularly this episode with Paul Rudd!
š§š¼āāļøāØFor more magic: Amber Fillerupās Substack !
š©š¼āš¬For empowering science: The Mel Robbins Podcast - particularly this episode: āThe Body Reset: How Women Should Eat & Exercise for Health, Fat Loss, & Energy with Dr. Stacy Simsā :)
š„¦For healthier eating: listening to these books for free via Libby: Good Energy by Casey Means, MD + The Case Against Sugar by Gary Taubes
šš¼āāļøFor calmer eating: listening to Headspace meditations when Iām eating alone instead of being on my phone or watching videos, so that I remember to breathe and appreciate my food!
š°For more calmer news: READING (not watching tv/reels/social media which is overstimulating, often misinforms, and is created to capture our attention rather than give information) The New York Times (not perfect) and Hot Tip (perfection) long after priming my brain FIRST withā¦
āļøFor better, grounded mornings: while my coffee is brewing in the simple stovetop espresso maker I bought in Paris, I consume dreamy physical booksš„°. Last month I was reading poetry from the Romantic Era. This month Iām revisiting poetry from my grandfather Arved Viirlaidā¤ļø, and Catfulness: A Cat's Guide to Achieving Mindfulness, which my sister bought me years agošøšš»
