a love letter to changešø
or, mono no aware (ē©ć®åć)
First of all, thank you all so much for all of your sweet comments about my last post about my grandfatherš¤! I also received a lot of interest in my poetry, which was so encouragingā¦I definitely have a limiting belief that nobody cares about poetry, so Iām always surprised when someone actually reads mineāand likes it! Iām currently rewiring this belief, and walking forward more confidently in my poetry passionšš».
Have you come across any limiting beliefs about your own passionsāØ this past week? Leave a comment or hit reply, Iām genuinely curious!
Here in Vancouver, cherry and plum blossoms have popped like pink fireworks, blanketing the streets with their petalsšø! Iām finding my eyes completely locked onto them, almost holding my breath as if theyāll disappear when I blink. And I love how when I look around, other people seem to be feeling the same way. These colourful gifts from nature feel so delicate because we know how fleeting spring isā¦especially here in Vancouver where one day of intense rain could wash them all away. Also, I know our necks are thanking us for taking a break from looking down at our phones to craning our heads up towards the blossomsā¦marvellingā¦if only for a moment!
There is actually a Japanese saying for this feeling: āmono no awareā (ē©ć®åć.) Mono no aware roughly translates to āa bittersweet awareness of impermanenceā, or āan appreciation of fleeting beauty.ā When you think of it, our entire life could be thought of in this wayā¦a humanās lifespan is just a blip on the universeās timeline!
In honour of the Japanese-Canadians who fought in WWI, Japan gifted Vancouver 500 cherry blossom trees. Now, there are over 40,000 trees here! Many cities have specific parks for these trees, but weāre lucky that theyāve also been planted throughout residential streets so that we can feel the romance of falling petals wherever we go! We also have an ideal mild, coastal climate for dozens of their varieties; which makes our ācherry blossom seasonā stretch out longer than many other places outside of Japan.
Btw, Iāve started gouache painting this week (thanks to my sister for recommending that I try gouache instead of watercolour!) so this will definitely be one of my first flowers I try painting!!
I feel like deep down we all naturally find it easier to change things up during shoulder seasons, and the more we connect to nature, the more obvious it becomes. And just like in nature, no season of our lives is more important than another. However, in order for a season to flourish, a āletting goā period of the previous season has to happenā¦
Although my partner is the āplant parentā in our homeš„°, I can at least understand the reason plants must be thoughtfully pruned or deadheadedšæ: a plant will continue to send energy to a dying leaf until that dying leaf is chopped off. Only after the dying leaf is completely gone will the plant be free to devote all of its energy to healthy leaves make new ones!
It sounds kind of dramatic, but more and more am I noticing the same thing has to happen in lifeš. Thereās a letting go that must happen to your āold lifeā in order to welcome your new chapter:
It applies to anyone in a transition period in their life. It could be a break up, where you have to grieve the relationship with previous partner in order to begin a healthy new one. Or it could be a retirement; even if youāre happy to be finished your job, thereās a sweet āsaying goodbyeā to your old identity. Or maybe a role has changed: youāre still a parent but your children have flown the nest, and your identity has shifted because caretaking doesnāt have to be your priority anymore. Or maybe youāre changing careers, having a baby for the first time, or realized youāre no longer extroverted and hate going out!
Some āletting goā moments take longer than others, and these life transitions can be so confusing and scary. Weāre not only saying goodbye to a version of our past selves, but thereās a large question mark about the future, because we got used to doing and thinking in one way, only to realize that way isnāt working anymore.
The change Iāve been feeling most has been how my physical body has changed due to health issues and being in my 30s. Things that used to be fun no longer work for me anymore. Once I started to prioritize my health and listening to my body last year, I realized that I had way more limitations than I used to, which meant grieving an entire life and lifestyle that used to be mine. Iām now happier than Iāve ever been (no exaggeration lol!), but itās still been bittersweet to say goodbye to my past self and her wild life, because I loved her so muchā¦and itās a reminder that life itself is fleeting and precious. However, pruning the parts of my life that no longer serve me has been so freeing and given me a lot of self-love and clarityš.
Thereās actually recent studies that show how our brains physically change throughout our lives, which might help explain one part of this phenomenon of growing up and our priorities changing. For example, hereās what happens from our teens to our 30s:
First off, different parts of our brains develop at different rates! So when weāre in our early teens/20s, our brains are first developing their reward circuitry, which makes us highly biased towards novelty, exploration, social connections, and peer approval. This makes sense, because itās when weāre naturally and legally becoming an adult and focused on finding our place in the world!
Generally, its not until our late 20s when our prefrontal cortex strengthens, which is our ācontrol systemā connecting future-oriented decisions with other parts of the brain. This is why we usually get better at things like not caring so much about what others think, nurturing selective relationships, and delaying gratification when we get older.
However, if you have conditioned your brain with habits centred around instant-gratification activities from your youth, they will require effort to break. Some people donāt want to change these habits and itās totally fine of course, but for those of us who realize some of our bad habits are holding us back from blooming, we need some help pruning off the dead leavesāļøšæ.
So if you want to change them, the good news is that itās definitely possible, and I think it helps to know that itās not your fault why instant-gratification habits are so hard to change! Thereās nothing wrong with you, you just have to learn how to trick your brain into working with youšŖš.
Thank you for visiting my brain this week, friendsš¦! I hope youāre somewhere you can enjoy the blossomingšø and have some mono no aware in your dayš.
P.S. I talk a little about how Iāve changed my habits for the better in this post, but Iām actually currently creating bonus PDFs for paid subscribers wanting step-by-step guidance for how to apply the right habits for the season of life theyāre in in a gentle wayšš¼āāļø. Before I finalize them, please donāt hesitate to reply to this email or comment with any questions you have so I can make sure I answer them in the PDFsāŗļø.