what I got wrong about the "Year of Yes"đ
(or, how not to be a Tony Montana)
Hi friendsđ! A question Iâve been seeing pop up a lot lately is: "what happens if you get what you want, but it still doesnât make you happy?â
This instantly reminds me of the iconic gangster movie Scarface (1983) [spoiler ahead!] where Al Pacinoâs character Tony Montana gets everything he wants and is happy, but only for a momentâŚhe then proceeds to engage in self-sabotaging behaviour, losing it all.
Something similar happened to Shonda Rhimes, the legendary producer and screenwriter behind Greyâs Anatomy, and How to Get Away With Murder, and Bridgerton to name a few. On paper, her dreams were coming true: winning tons of awards for her tv shows and rolling in dough - but in reality, she was miserable.
She realized that she had been living her life through the characters that she had created on screen, but had no life outside of work. Thankfully, Shonda Rhimes is a smart cookie and didnât let everything crash and burn like Tony Montanađ! She realized she needed to completely 180 her life.
In Mel Robbinsâ recent podcast interview with Rhimes, she claims that she used to be SO shy that even though she was being invited to participate in one-in-a-lifetime experiences (think: meeting the Obamas, being on talk shows, big trips), she wouldnât even entertain the thought of getting out of her shell and going.
Because Rhimes knew that she wasnât happy, she thought maybe the answer lay on the other side of doing things she was afraid of- thus the title of her best-selling book âYear of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Personâ was born!
When I first heard about Rhimesâ book years ago, I thought âI donât need that. I need a book called the âYear of Noââ! From pretty much the ages of 13-30, anytime someone asked me to attend an event or go for coffee etc. etc., I thought âthat sounds like fun!â and would say yes before I took a beat to examine whether I had the physical, emotional, or mental capacity to fit yet another thing in my schedule. As you can probably guess, burning the candle at both ends is not sustainable!
It wasnât until I listened to Mel Robbinsâ podcast with Shonda Rhimes that I realized I had dismissed her book before understanding that it was actually perfect for me- I was just in the second phase of her journey:
Say yes to everything, especially if it scares you.
After doing this, you can you figure out what you should be saying no to.
Reassess as you grow. (ex.: Maybe say yes to something youâve gotten comfortable saying no to, and see if the answer is still the same.)
Are you in any of these phases in your life? Or in a blend of them depending on the area of your life? Let me know in the comments!
The new edition of âYear of Yesâ and the aforementioned podcast have some great examples on how to say no! She even goes into detail about moving away from L.A., and how much she loves love, but has realized marriage is not for her. She sounds genuinely content with her life now, because she is being authentic to her real self, while leaving room to grow and adjust!
Shonda Rhimesâ story is refreshing; so often we see tragic endings from celebrities and public figures after they reach their âtopâ. Instead, Rhimesâ shows (not only tells!) us that weâll totally be fine if we just actively listen to our inner Truth and get comfortable with switching things up, even if it scares us!
I havenât reached the peak of my career goals yet, but soon Iâll share how Iâve completely changed how I approach goal-setting in order to actually âenjoy the journeyâ before I get theređĽ°. As Tony Robbins says: âItâs not about the goal. Itâs about growing to become the person that can accomplish that goal.â